A place to collect the thoughts and experiences of heterosexual male cross dressers and transvestites. I try not to be judgemental - hell I was forty-something before I liked myself. I WILL plug the page where I have books to sell - but there are 'freebies' there as well so money isn't a big deal.
I'm ancient - so have many years behind me. With any luck I've learned some sense about myself and the subject of transvestism. Have no problem in learning more. Want to, as a matter of fact.
In my last post I recounted what I thought were the
catalysts for my sub side. Rocketdave’s comments regarding forced fem only
surfacing in adulthood were interesting despite having a subside from early on.
RD doesn’t say when his CD side emerged. I wonder how usual/unusual that is for
people like us. An idea for one of Belinda’s excellent surveys? I think
everyone has a fantasy of some sort and no matter how well developed or busy
your social life, if it’s in you it will eventually surface. I suppose that’s
the reason for this and my last post, to try and map out how and when my CD and
Sub side emerged and see if this resonates with others.
Mandy’s comment regarding her parents wanting a girl
influencing her own direction also chimes with me and I believe charted my course
and others also.
my growing interest in all things feminine and my sub tendencies merged once I
hit puberty but did not begin dressing until late teens early twenties. At this
stage my submissive side was beginning to take root, I was fast outgrowing the girls comics which triggered my sub side
and natural curiositymeant I was looking to expand my horizons. Puberty
meant an even greater interest in the feminine and lingerie advertisements in
women’s magazines began the next phase of my journey, I’m sure many of you had
a similar beginning. These in turn led me to a fascination with women’s fashion
and lingerie, specifically old fashioned foundation wear, corsets, girdles etc.
and again the focus of my attention was
A fascination with women’s fashion? Even at this age I knew
this was not normal for a boy but it mattered little and on some level I must
have known that this was only one side of my personality. Little did I know
what I was fast becoming nor did I care, was too young to worry about it. Soon,
drooling over pictures of women in their lingerie was not enough and I wanted
to get as close to the real thing as possible and where better to do this than
in the movies.
As a nascent CD the thing that really hooked me was the
glamour and style of female movie stars particularly in Hollywood’s Golden Age
of the 30’s,40’sand 50’s. I think for most CD’s fabrics such as satins, silks,
taffeta etc. are our holy grail. Almost every Sub CD story/fantasy contains a
reference to these or other similar materials but as males we are unlikely to get
to wear them until we crossdress – a long way off for me at the time – so we
have to be content to fantasise about them. At least this was my experience as an adolescent.
The movies of this era had stars like
Joan Crawford, Norma Shearer, Vivian Leigh, Ingrid Bergman, Bette Davis, Ava
Gardner and others too numerous to mention here, dressed in the most beautiful
gowns fashioned from these luxurious fabrics. I was hooked. I could watch these films and
transport myself into their world, imagine what it would feel like to wear such
I have no doubt that
these films with their elegantly dressed women attended to by subservient maids
dressed in formal uniforms were fundamental in the further development of my
sub/CD persona. A few of them even had a proto domme which added an extra dimension;
the 1940 version of Rebecca is a good example. The heroine( Joan Fontaine)
plays a timid young woman and after marrying her new husband is introduced to
her new life as mistress of a great house and immediately comes face to face
with the formidable housekeeper in charge of the domestic staff - the proto domme - Mrs Danvers( great performance
by Judith Anderson). I think Mrs Danvers may have been my first fantasy domme,
it probably helped that a lesbian relationship with the eponymous Rebecca was
hinted at, not surprising as the book’s author, Daphne du Maurier was rumoured
to have had a lesbian affair. Mrs Danvers totally intimidates and dominates
Joan Fontaine in one scene insisting she must have a lady’s maid even though JF
doesn’t want one. Silly girl!
Undoubtedly the movie which had the most influence me was
the 1939 version of The Women. A film with no men and ticked all the boxes
mentioned above plus a lengthy scene of a lingerie model parading in an extremely
constricting corselette. I have included a picture from this scene as well as one
of a maid attending her mistress’s mother before she retires. I’m curious to know
if this pushes any readers hot buttons as Bea refers to them. In another life I have
captioned these for some sites and it may be interesting to see what readers
come up with as their captions.