Friday, July 20, 2012

First Post

Bea asked me to make a contribution to the blog but I suppose it is more  general observations and comments  rather  than the wonderful revelations( for me anyway) by  Belinda which I am sure raised curiosity as well as envy in most of us.  

The main purpose of this particular post is to comment on Bea’s recollection of his reaction to his need to crossdress while growing up in Scotland. As he mentioned he felt he was the “only one” and that’s something I think most of us could identify with but at that time the access to information on CD/TV issues must have been almost zero. I’m a bit younger than Bea – mid 50’s – and went through the same thing as a teenager in 70’s Ireland and even with  a little more info it was still not a pleasant experience. The confusion and isolation was awful.  While I’m sure kids today are experiencing something similar it has to be an improvement on previous generations because of the ease of access to the wealth of info online.

 I think most hetro CD/TV’s know even as kids that they have no interest in other males but it must be very confusing for those who may be bisexual. On a personal level I knew I was not gay/bi,had too much interest in girls but I could not fully understand why I was drawn to all things feminine  and was only until I was in my late teens early 20’s that I figured it out. Belinda’s survey revived those memories. Again like most readers of this blog I have a strong sub side (is that an oxymoron?). The fact that this surfaced at about the same time I became aware of my CD tendencies I have always associated submissiveness with  cross-dressing and it is only until quite recently that I have discovered this is not always the case(talk about naive) Although I suspect dominant CD/TV’s are in the minority.

The point Bea made about seeing a priest surprised me.For those of you who may not familiar with the  nature of religion in Glasgow it is amazing that as a Protestant Bea went to a Catholic priest in the 50’s to seek advice (wise move though as they are bound by the seal of the confessional not to disclose anything). What is truly amazing is that the priest was a decent man. 

Bea’s admission that he only tagged himself as a sub five years ago is another surprise and am curious as if he did not consider himself sub what was the driving force behind the stories. I wonder have other readers taken so long to become aware of this side of their personality.

Another thing he mentioned was the need to divest himself of all things feminine after he had masturbated. This was definitely the same for me and I  got feelings of shame and guilt.  After years of this I decided that there was more erotic pleasure to be got from spending longer dressed, I felt  I wanted to prolong the feminine experience and the only way to do this was to avoid ejaculation. Now I can spend all day dressed  without ejaculation – I tuck my penis between my legs and wear a tight girdle to hold it in place so I still have all the hardness and drive but crucially can’t cum. This prolongs the experience and I find it very satisfying and at times I try. This brings me to the distinction Bea made between CD and TV. Since I began approaching  my cross dressing as I have just described I think I fall into both categories. The thing is I rarely cum while dressed and when it’s time to revert to male clothes I don’t experience any guilt or shame.

Belinda’s last survey struck a chord with me regarding the age of my fantasy Domme and prompted the attached piece. My preference is older women dominating a younger man I’m also a bit greedy when it comes to this and I always imagine at least two women. I hope Belinda comes up with more surveys and accounts of her visits with her dommes.


Marie said...

Dear Carrie,

I have not posted or commented on any posts on Bea's blog yet, but I've been very tempted. I appreciate your writing and wanted to add something. I'm also in my mid-50's, and have wanted to be girly and feminine since I was a very young child - perhaps even an infant but of course I cannot remember that far back. And I've also had all the same feelings of shame/guilt and oddity. I'm afraid I still do. i wish I could make it all just go away and leave me. Maybe then I'd be much happier.

I recently started seeing a new therapist and (perhaps this is a move in the right direction) finally opened up completely to him about what has gone on and is going on inside me. I've been to many therapists over the years, and only opened up to a couple of them. They didn't really help, saying that what I want to do and/or are doing is not bad and all, but in and of itself that didn't help. For one, they are paid to listen. I do believe they were sincere, but it didn't help.

Postings like yours and Bea's strike a chord in me, and I thank you again for writing.



belinda said...

Thanks for the kind words Carrie. I am glad that my experiences have awakened yours and I hope other curiosity about real life sissy role playing (which is what I would call it). It is important however to understand that I had not revealed any of my fantasies to anyone besides my 2nd wife until 2006, at which time I was already in my late 50's. When I looked around, and finally plucked up the courage to meet some people. I do not live in an urban center, though I am a within 2 hours of both New York and Philadelphia. I think that many of the readers of this blog would be able to emulate me rather than envy me if they investigated the opportunities in their area. CD, TV, Transgender.. whatever we wish to call ourselves, interaction with real people can help us learn about ourselves, and have lots of fun besides. The times are changing as well as social standards. The dangers many of us rightly associated with any sort of expression of our femininity are considerably mitigated. Young Cd's will live very different lives than we did, and that is a good thing. At least I think so.

Anonymous said...

Hey I'm a man, uze broads should respect my balls! Got dat Joe B.