Been thinking about self discovery quite a lot, and want to go into that. I've also been cleaning up (formatting a story for Amazon Kindle) "Dinner With Jasmine" that was one of my first to be written and that I'm fond of, so will probably be adding that today. Still have some of Rosie's "Bits" that I think of as great, so will be adding them as well
Before I go into them, however, I wanted to say that I got on Carrie's case last week about adding long comments that I would MUCH prefer to see as posts. Same thing applies to Belinda, Tammi, and Monica. You guys are all approved authors - yet I haven't seen a post from you in a long, long, time. Did you lose the capability to post when Chrome took over? I'm buggered if I know - and stopped writing questions to them because I was ignored completely - so would one of you please TRY? Let me know if you had any problems and I'll post them here for possible answers? (I was giving up on this blog completely as I couldn't post at all - until one of you nice readers suggested that I use Firefox as a browser - and that worked. Chrome never once answered my cries for help but I'm getting a fair sized readership with- hopefully - some smart people who understand all of this BS and can help us out.)
On self discovery then? Being deep in the closet I can only vouch for my own self. I was brought up in Scotland. Was a tough wee bugger, but at about age six started getting erections at the thought of being dressed in girls clothes. Knew enough not to go around blabbing about this, but wondered a lot. Got into my teens and thought I was the only boy that felt this way. Always read a lot, but it wasn't until I was well into my teens that I discovered that I wasn't alone.
So? For many years I considered myself a transvestite. Detested this in myself thoroughly. Could NOT understand this at all. Read somewhere that ALL transvestites were latent homosexuals - but was damned if I could find the slightest interest in other boys or men. Probably felt that this latency was so deeply buried that I couldn't find it.
I'm not religious at all, but was considered a Protestant. Finally, at about age twenty I got friendly with a Catholic and said I had something I felt I HAD to get off my chest. He arranged for me to go to confession. It was extremely traumatic for me - lot of tears - but the priest was understanding got me a psychiatrist that I saw a number of times. I got some benefit from being able to talk about it - but got convinced then that there was bugger all I could do about it.
I liked girls - made it a point to hide what I fantasized about - but liked them (a helluva lot more than boys!) and got engaged to be married. One of the smartest things I ever did was tell my intended about my predilections before we married. To be perfectly honest, I didn't know much about cross dressing - and she knew even less - but we've been married a long time now.
I had a lot of self hatred about my sexual fantasies and wants, but one thing always puzzled me. I had no interest in actually dressing up. What I wanted was to BE dressed up, Believe it or not, I was in my Forties before I admitted to myself that it was ME that wanted a situation where I was dressed - and that was a difficult thing for me to admit, but it helped my mental state amazingly. I actually started to like myself - a major change in my whole attitude.
I retired (early) but am just over 20 years retired now, Started publishing stories on the Internet in the early 90's - and then got into correspondence with quite a lot of us. My first surprise was when I saw that someone defined a difference between a "Cross Dresser" and a "Transvestite". The CD felt 'comfortable' being dressed, where the TV did it for sexual release.
I felt this to be total BS for a long time. Had to be someone who didn't want to admit his sexual needs. But time has modified my thinking - I've made two very good friends who swear blind hat they actually perform as maids for women - and get nothing sexual from it. Amazes me to this day. I don't really know Belinda - but she seems to make the same claim
Don't laugh - but I didn't start tagging myself as a male submissive until about five years ago. Medication for Prostate cancer has taken away almost all of my sexual drive, but it finally dawned on me. I always masturbated when I dressed - but couldn't get out of the clothes - or get the makeup off fast enough when I was finished. At that point, being dressed meant absolutely nothing to me at all, It was BEING forced to dress that turned me on.
Which has raised a point that still puzzles me to this day. I consider females to be the bastions of power (at least in my fantasies) in a relationship. I want them to humiliate me by making me wear women's clothes. HUMILIATE me by making me look like one of them? Buggered if I can figure it out. Can you?
A new wrinkle on self discovery. Well, new to here anyway.
This is basically a party game, but something that amazed me years ago when I did it - it was just SO bloody accurate. Try this for yourself. You can note your answers to the questions asked, but it's really not necessary - just don't be lying to yourself - okay? Here we go:
You are walking in a wood. What time of day is it? Describe the wood?
You are walking on 'something'. What is it?
You come across a bear. Describe it? What is it doing?
You find a key lying in front of you. Describe it?
You come across a drinking fountain Do you drink? Describe from what?
Then there's a lake. Do you swim?
You see a building. Describe it? You peek in a window. What do you see?
You come to a fence. What is on the other side?
I would NOT suggest that you try this on a friend. I did, and his answers were so awfully self revealing that I had to lie like a dog. Embarrassed the hell out of me.
I'll tell what the answers mean next post. In the meantime, her's the story - followed by some of Rosie's stuff.