Tuesday, June 12, 2012

By The Way?

Buggered if I get it!  Just looked at the Stats.  Have over 196,000 views since I started in less than eighteen months.  About 1500 or so since my Mea Culpa on Sunday.

ONE comment - which I intend to copy below.  (I don't think Belinda will mind). And? ONE person who indicated an interest and wanted more.  Jesus Murphy!

I went to the theatre (THEATUH DAHLING!) on Sunday as my wife and I  are subscribers to the Cygnet Theatre in San Diego.  They were staging a play called "Dirty Blonde".  It was a good play - not excellent - based primarily on Mae West - but it had something that was of immense interest to me. The main male character is a heterosexual transvestite - and it examines, in part, the problems that face both he and his girlfriend when she finds out.  Not only that?  It does it with humor and compassion.

At the same time - and this is honestly pure truth.  The play finished and my wife and I headed for our respective bathrooms.  Naturally, I finished well before her.  Three women were standing close to me.

"Where's XXX?" (I don't remember the name).  One of them asked of another.  "He's gone to the bathroom.  I think he's going to vomit." One lady replied.
"Vomit.  Like being sick?"
"Yeah.  He can't abide men dressing as women.  Makes him vomit."

This is honestly true.  I wondered - and I wonder if you guys think the same thing?
"Methinks he protesteth too much?"

Belinda - thanks.  I'm not into the accuracy of the statistics quoted.  (I immediately wonder how they got the information) - but I think that what you say shouldn't be buried as a comment. So here it is.

Thanks Bea. I am glad that i can sometimes make a contribution. I would like to say something about the demographics of male and female dominance/submission. I did some research on this topic looking at Fetlife profiles, and wrote it up last year in my blog,


The first thing I would say is that you shouldn't refer to masculinity and femininity / dominance and submission as if these were the same, correlated but distinctly different.
There are 3x as many male profiles as female profiles on fetlife so there are just a lot more kinky males than females. Most of these males are dominant as most females are submissive, but 4% of all profiles are female dominants. Still pure male submissives are 14% and another 25% of profiles are males who are D/S switches. Anyway you look at it, there are at least 3 men looking to be dominated for every female who describes herself as a dominant.
I think the odds for transgender and sissy males is even more steep. Most dominant females in my experience are not necessarily looking for feminized males. The most common relationship is a dominant female and a male slave who doesn't have any particular intereest in female clothes.
Having said all that, I think that a feminine male, has a reasonable chance of finding a female dominant who will honor their fantasies to some extent. I know a few couples which would fit very nicely in a Bea story. I served tea at a Lady's House not long ago, where there were in excess of two dozen dominant ladies, who were at least charmed by my maid's attire if they didn't necessarily want to rip it off.
I think one big problem for many submissive males, including feminized males in meeting dominants is that ...well to put it bluntly they are pretenders, something a dominant lady friend of mine calls wankers. They want a fantasy to occur, in which a woman plays a fantasy dominant. But this is what keeps professional dommes in business. If you want to have a relationship with a real dominant woman, then rule one is ..respect Her dominance. You are the submissive. You are supposed to be doing what she wants, fulfilling her fantasies. Approach Her on a site like fetlife with a resolve to fulfill Her desires foremost, freely admitting that you are perhaps only submissive when allowed to wear your frillies, and some of your readers may be surprised to find that they can find relationships with dominant women that mutually fulfill fantasies.


Anonymous said...

Hi Bea
First off thanks to you and Belinda for giving my question such consideration. It is one which has fascinated me for some time. Belinda’s post was very interesting as I have not seen any research on it before. For me the fact that there are 3 times more male profiles on Fetlife confirms my suspicions (and perhaps yours also) that perhaps the male sex impulse is the driver for the strong and very wide variety of kinky behaviour (or alternative preferences if you will). The real question for me is why there is such a discrepancy. I tend to agree with Bea’s earlier view- and I know this is a generalisation- that women want a man to provide for them both materially and emotionally first and foremost and after that may indulge their partner’s fantasies up to a point but it is an indulgence rather than the female initiating anything non-vanilla.
I firmly believe that there are genuine female dominants as distinct from professionals and Belinda’s research has also confirmed my belief that female Dommes are into a Mistress/Slave relationship as a way of expressing their dominance rather than what I understand( well, me anyway) sissies desire i.e. forced feminisation and the humiliation that follows. Belinda’s experience of meeting various dominant ladies was extremely enlightening and I for one would love to hear what their views on sissies are.
The point Belinda made about meeting and sustaining a relationship with a genuine female dominant is also interesting and I agree up to a point. I think the problem with most sissy male submissives is that they need to be in control of the fantasy perhaps control is the wrong word but they certainly have strong ideas as to how it should go and if you meet a genuine dominant female then she is the one who should have total control. So I think Belinda dome friend is correct most are wankers in that sense (wankers in the true sense also) but I think my original premise still stands. I still maintain that there are few if any dommes who genuinely wish to force feminise a male as a way of asserting their dominant personality.
Bea, you’re 100% right about the guy in the theatre, now he definitely IS a wanker.
Best rgds

belinda said...

I think this is a very interesting topic, because it is about where fantasy and reality meet, and that is a very interesting place for transgender girls, but also kinky people in general. I accept what Carrie says, that there are not a lot of Dommes who are primarily into forced feminization of males. I would only say that that doesn't matter for those of us who can never be forced feminized, because we so obviously crave feminization. We enjoy fantasies of forced feminization, but only submissive masculine males can actually be forced feminized. So it seems to me that the question for someone who has fantasies like those so lovingly portrayed in Bea's stories, is: Are there dominant women who enjoy playing with sissy girls? I can say from my own experience and the experience of some of the people I know that there are, and more perhaps than you think. They are not merely tolerating a fantasy, but enjoying it, and relishing it even though the forced feminization part is clearly the sissy's fantasy. I will be at a party tomorrow where there will be a few Dommes, so I will ask Carrie's question directly What do you think of sissies? I think I may get some interesting and surprising answers. I will be happy to share them.

Anonymous said...

"Which has raised a point that still puzzles me to this day. I consider females to be the bastions of power (at least in my fantasies) in a relationship. I want them to humiliate me by making me wear women's clothes. HUMILIATE me by making me look like one of them? Buggered if I can figure it out. Can you?" Could it be that you (and me) are uncomfortable with the current expected male personage and feel weak because of this conflict? Thus submissive. Being forced (acknowledging your weakness)becomes humiliating. The ultimate weakness is emasculation and what is more emasculating then being dress in ultra feminine frilly things? Submission to the superior would lead to service toward that superior and a maid is symbolic of service. Again acknowledging your weakness.

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