A friend of mine recently published a feminization story and I gave them permission to use one of my old drawings for a cover. When they asked what name I should be credited under, I said that it didn't matter and that they might as well just use my actual name. More on that topic a bit.
Surprisingly, despite knowing them for a few years, I had no clue that my friend had any interest in the feminization genre. In fact, I was embarrassed that they were aware that I draw art of that nature. They probably wouldn't object if I gave their story a plug, so if you feel like checking it out, it's on Amazon under the title Girls Night: An Erotic Adventure.
Am I the only one who's noticed that if you click on the Smashwords link at the top of this blog, Bea's books no longer appear to be available on that site? I have no idea if their removal has something to do with the fact that Bea is no longer around to maintain his account there or if there's some other reason.
A lot of Bea's stories can still be obtained via Mags Inc, though they're pricier and I'm fairly certain they don't have all the same ones. I know for a fact that they don't have all the stories that were once for sale on either of Bea's old websites. I'm lucky to have a sizable collection of Bea's stories saved, but now that he's gone, I'm sad knowing that there are some that I may never have the opportunity to read... unless there are fans out there who feel like sharing. I remember there was one called "A Full Time Student" I was curious about. While it may be a long shot, if anyone reading this happens to have that one, I'd be grateful if they got in touch.
Bea very kindly offered to send me any of his longer stories for free whenever I asked. While I got a number of stories that way, I regret that I didn't take him up on that offer as much as I would have liked because I didn't want to seem like I was taking advantage of his generosity, plus I didn't like to disturb him, especially knowing that his health was not good. Once, I paid for a story, stupidly thinking he wouldn't notice somehow, but he sent me an annoyed note about it afterward.
Some of Bea's books can be found under the pennames Maureen Glasgow and Tiffany Mellis, but I've forgotten if there was a reason for using alternate nom de plumes for certain stories. I've used multiple aliases online over the years, but that's partly because I've had difficulty coming up with a name I'm comfortable with. I'm happiest with rocketdave. I have a lot of regret about picking out the stupid username rocketXpert for the deviantaART account I reserved for my fetishistic art, but it feels too late to change now, as much as I might like to.
When I did illustrations for Sandy Thomas, it was under the name Debbie... just Debbie, because I couldn't think of a good last name. It was only within the past few months, over a decade too late, that I hit upon what I thought was a perfect last name that I'd really like to find an excuse to use, but I worry about diluting my brand even further than I already have if I were to switch names again.
It almost seems like it doesn't matter what name I go by since I've done such a poor job protecting my anonymity. I partly blame Bea for that. When I gave him permission to put some of my art on his site, he credited me by my actual name, even though he probably should have consulted me about that first. Of course, it's also partly my own damn fault for signing my art, since I'd had it drilled into my head that that's something I should always do. The people who advised that probably weren't considering that maybe I would do some art that I didn't necessarily want my name attached to.
During my earliest correspondence with Bea, because I hadn't identified myself, he tried out a couple random girls' names on me, which I felt a little weird about, and I replied that I wasn't sure if I even wanted to go by a feminine name, but if I ever did, I thought Debbie would be appropriate, since it kind of sounded like my initials, D.B. In his response, an exasperated Bea wrote, "What a fuss about a bloody name!"
Incidentally, this piece, titled "The Feminine Mystique," is the one my friend used for the cover of their story. It's kind of a coincidence that they'd ask about this particular drawing when they did since I had started taking steps towards redoing it. That's not to say that I think the original is bad. A lot of my older art I can't stand to look at, but this one I think retains its charm. However, my style has improved, and I thought it would be interesting to redo some of my old art (plus it saves me from having to rack my brains for new ideas).
You know, I used to rankle a little at Bea referring to my drawings as "cartoons," which may seem odd since I love cartoons, plus my art can certainly be cartoony, though that hasn't always been a deliberate choice. In the case of some of my earlier work, I was just doing the best I could at the time.
5 comments:
I'm as bad at coming up with titles as I am with names. I used a variation on the same Shakespeare line once before, but I couldn't think of anything better to title this post.
Dave
First off, I always loved that particular piece-The Feminine Mystique. The ‘hero’s’ helplessness at the hands of the Domme and her maid is wonderfully portrayed by his pose which suggests some form of resistance but he seems to know that he is too weak (either physically or mentally) to fight his feminisation and ultimately his tormentors will prevail. It is no wonder the poor boy is so perturbed, as his future life as a maid is displayed on the wall behind him. I like your choice of colour , to me it speaks of the seriousness of his situation.
Like you I have a quite a few of Bea’s stories, he was very generous like that, but unfortunately, not the one you’re looking for.
I think Bea considered you a friend Dave, which is why he may have been a bit annoyed about you paying for it. He took friendships very seriously. I know for a fact he highly valued your work and regarding the word ‘cartoon’, I suspect this had something to do with Bea growing up in a different time and perhaps not having an appreciation of different art styles. It was not meant as a slight.
Please do not doubt your talent, you are a truly wonderful artist and Bea knew this.
I also understand your re working of your various pieces, this genre by its nature is very limited.
There are only so many variations on the feminisation theme and it’s hard to come up with a new angle.
With regard to names, nothing wrong with Debbie or RocketXpert for that matter.
Bea could have easily suggested ‘Karen’ – not sure any of us would like that.
He was a very good friend, I think of him occasionally, he is still sadly missed.
Take care Dave and keep drawing.
Carrie
A lot of people use the term "cartoon"...but don't mean it in a derogatory sense. It's just a lack of knowledge of what verbiage would be correct. :)
I don't think he did, but Bea could very easily have called me Karen since the old email address I was using at the time was basically a nonsense string of letters that started with the letter k, so I think the first couple of names he threw out there also started with k. Of course, Karen wasn't being used as a pejorative yet. I feel bad for anybody named Karen now. Sames goes for anyone named Isis. Maybe part of the reason I'm not keen on rocketXpert now is because the letter X may have taken on some negative connotations in my head thanks to the dumbass who owns twitter changing the name of that platform.
Before I went off on a couple tangents, I started writing this post with the main intention of calling attention to the disappearance of Bea's book from Smashwords. Coincidentally, shortly before that discovery, I'd just been talking to a friend about a comic book I'd been meaning to read, but now it's out of print and impossible to find. And a few months earlier, an acquaintance of mine's feminization books all disappeared off Amazon (though they're back now). After being on the internet for decades at this point, I never get used to content I once enjoyed just up and vanishing on me. They say that once something is on the internet, it's there forever, but that doesn't seem to be entirely true. Anyway, I thought I could center a whole blog post around that theme, but somehow, I veered off topic.
In hindsight, I don't know why I felt mildly resentful of my pics being referred to as cartoons since it was an entirely apt description.
I definitely considered Bea a friend, even if we weren't as close as we might have been. That's probably partly my fault for not making more of an effort, but I don't go out of my way to keep in touch with people a lot of the time, partly due to my antisocial nature and partly because I worry they'll get sick of me.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and the words of support, Carrie.
Thanks, Vanessa. Yeah, "cartoon" is not an inaccurate description of the type of work I shared with Bea; as I said, I can't explain why it bothered me at the time. My loftiest goal in life has always been to do comics or cartoons, so it seems absurd to me now that I'd feel mildly insulted.
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