Wednesday, December 19, 2012
The more things a man is ashamed of the more respectable he is. George Bernard Shaw
First off, really hope Bea reconsiders stepping back from the blog, his experience and writing are a great source of help, inspiration and enjoyment to us. I know he enjoys getting people’s views on pretty much any aspect of the CD/TV world and while we may not always agree, his thoughts are always interesting, so go on get in contact, he won’t bite.
In his last post he touched on the feelings of guilt that some of us may have experienced at some stage and perhaps there are still some who continue to experience it. I’m sure there are readers who are far wiser than I am who could articulate it better but here’s my two cents worth.
I honestly can’t remember if I ever felt guilty about my cross dressing , I probably did but I just can’t remember so either it mustn’t have bothered me that much or it didn’t last too long, but I have felt feelings of shame usually after I masturbated when dressed. Having said that I don’t think I ever had feelings of shame while I was dressed. I read somewhere recently that guilt says I’ve done something wrong, shame says there’s something wrong with me which I think is an interesting distinction.
One particular article I read stated that shame is a complex emotional response that all humans acquire during early development and quoted a professor of psychiatry who said “it’s a normal feeling about ourselves and our behaviour, not necessarily a symptom of an illness or pathology. In many situations, it’s abnormal if we don’t experience it.” So there you have it if a shrink says it’s ok it must be ok. Guess we all know why they don’t say it on the first visit.
Maybe I’m wrong here but from what I understand there are several forms and probably degrees of shame including embarrassment, shyness, even humility. I think Belinda may have done one of her wonderful surveys on the issue but I can’t locate it. Many people get hung up on shame (and the associated humiliation) as a negative emotion which I suppose it is but when we perverts get our beautifully made up heads around it we can use it as a very powerful force to fuel our vivid imaginations. Exhibit A – the esteemed host of this blog. I suspect that most of us were drawn to Bea’s writings because we experience sexually submissive feelings (a lot if not most of the time). His Eminence can correct me if I’m wide of the mark - but without his feelings of guilt/shame and probably more importantly the humiliation that flows from that he would not have been able to produce such wonderful stories. Central to my fantasies and I assume most of Bea’s readers also is the humiliation of being forced/tricked/cajoled etc. by a dominant female(s) to dress as a woman and perhaps even further humiliation being heaped on that by being forced to become a maid/secretary/housewife etc. to said dominant female(s). I don’t know if this makes sense to readers but when dressed I sometimes (not always) fantasise about being humiliated and as long as I don’t climax (while dressed) I don’t experience guilt or shame. While I do masturbate when dressed I deliberately never climax, not so much to avoid any feeling of guilt/shame but to prolong the whole experience. I think what happens after climax is a flood of testosterone into the system which probably contributes to feelings of guilt/shame in some people. Maybe some readers can enlighten us if there is a contributing physiological as well as psychological reason.
The guilt/shame/humiliation which may have had a negative impact on many of us are also the source of inspiration for great TV/CD writers like Bea and others so I guess the trick is to recognise this, embrace it and use it in a creative way.
Often wondered if Dommes ever feel guilt or shame, I doubt it, so why should we. We’re just the other side of the same coin.
Another thought just struck me do other fetishes apart from the obvious ones like BDSM, infantilism, etc. have guilt/shame issues. For example foot fetishists, amputee, water sports etc. or are these specific to a tendencies like ours. I don’t know, again maybe someone out there can enlighten me.
Hope everyone has a happy and peaceful Christmas.